DEPRESSION

It has been a long time since I posted here but recent posts on a FB page I belong to have prompted me to write this. 
What started out as a group post got longer and longer and I couldnt stop writing so I decided to post it here. 


DEPRESSION: 

We need to recognise the signs and take action.

Don't ignore these feelings, you need help.

Anyone can suffer from depression at any time in their life.  It may be due to illness, stress, a crisis, long term health conditions, a break up, even the happy things in life. Moving house, marriage, the birth of a child. These things cause so many changes to our emotional levels that sometimes our bodies simply can't cope and we need help to get back on an even keel.

Firstly, See your Doctor, let them know how you feel and what you think may have caused it.  You might not have a clue why you feel this way. Tell your doctor what has happened in the last 6 months. They may be able to see something in your life that could be a cause that you wouldn't have considered. Be honest with them.

Sometimes it might be that you need treatment other than antidepressants. Pills are not always the answer.

However, if your emotional state is so far off balance that you need medication to help, then DONT LET YOUR GP FOB YOU OFF.  If one won't listen demand to see another.  If you KNOW you need the help then you deserve to be taken seriously.

Secondly, Talk to someone .... ANYONE.....  talk to a stranger, a friend, a family member, the cat........ No ok,  I'm trying to make light of it but seriously, you need to talk.  Oh I know, the last thing you want to do is talk, you don't feel you have the energy to get the words out, you can't make sense of your thoughts, how could you possible communicate with someone?  It doesn't matter what you talk about, or how confused you are, if you find the right person to talk to they will do most of the talking for you, you just need to make the 1st sound.

I have suffered for 20 years.  I have what is known as Major Depressive Disorder.  It's a roller coaster ride of emotions and you never know when the next dip will be. It took me years to recognise the signs but now I know what is happening I can deal with most of it.

I've had breakdowns, huge amounts of time off work (when I was still fit to work), hurt and hated myself. But the one thing that I have had through it all is someone to talk to.  It hasn't always been the same person. In fact, until recently I struggled.  I relied on counsellors and family. Family members do their best to understand but unless they have experienced it themselves it isn't easy for them to get to grips with what you are feeling.   My husband understands that I suffer, but he struggles to know how to help me.  If it wasn't for the people I have met online over the last 5 yrs I suspect I would have really lost the plot by now.

Social media can help. Yes, it may be taking away our ability to talk to each other face to face, to socialise outside our homes, in the general sense .........  but for those of us confined to our homes it is a life line.

The bad times can be VERY BAD, you feel like you simply can't cope, don't know what to do with yourself. You might even feel that you want out of this life.

It doesn't mean you WANT to hurt yourself, to die.  The emotions you are feeling are so overpowering that they take over.  The mind wants out of the situation, out of that moment, out of your body.  You want to escape the cause, the pain, the fear.

Yes I sit and cry, sob, shake, break my heart, rock in my chair, for days on end. I've had those thoughts of wanting to escape from it all. It's very scary and it physically hurts in your heart and head. But I know that when I can see clearly, for just a brief moment, that if I just send a simple message out to someone on here, I will get the hug I need, albeit a virtual one.

PLEASE REMEMBER, there is no shame in suffering from depression. It is a medical condition that millions deal with all across the world. 

DON'T SUFFER IN SILENCE, Seek out support and medical help. 

There will always be someone there that WILL understand what you are going through....... Reach Out. 

This is my experience, my opinions, my realisations and lessons learnt.

Osteoarthritis - Wear and Tear or Disease?

Having recently been diagnosed with OA and having spoken to few others who have also been diagnosed or are suspected to have it, but are being brushed aside by their GPs, I went on a bit of a trawl online.

GP's are belittling this condition to suit themselves. I can understand it to a point as there is little they can offer in the way of treatment.  Pain meds, anti-inflammatories etc are offered as a form of management and ultimately surgery may be required to replace a joint.  

However it is a degenerative disease and not just the flippant "wear and tear" that many Doctors call it, leaving their patients in the dark about what it could ultimately mean for them in the future. Whilst it may take decades to cause severe damage leading to surgery, for the unlucky few it can be as little as 12 months. 

Note that it mentions on many sites the pain levels do not always match the severity of the disease:

My pain levels were so badly elevated when my knees 1st started that I thought I was going to end up in a wheelchair.  As the condition 'settles' so does the pain but, as my mum will tell you, each time it affects a new joint those pain levels rocket again until your body 'gets used' to it.

Mum has had OA since she was 28 (she is now 67). Over the years it has affected every joint in her body. However, she has never needed surgery. Hers is a wide spread but fairly stable form of OA which she has managed in the last 10 years using supplements called Glucosamine and Chondroitin.**  

She keeps herself as mobile as she can and has to manage pain with basic pain killers, heat and rest as she also has diverticular disease which prevent her from taking strong medications (as her stomach bleeds).

**There have been studies which have suggested that neither of these supplements benefit people with OA.  I can only tell you it has helped my mum and as we are all different, in the way we respond to medications and supplements, I have mentioned it here as a suggestion that some may wish to consider trying.

 

 

The following 3 snippets are taken from UK, American and Canadian sites in relation to OA. - Please note that whilst it may be referred to as wear and tear it is also clearly categorized as a disease and is NOT found in EVERY adult, old person or fat person.

  

UK

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Osteoarthritis/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Symptoms of osteoarthritis

The symptoms of osteoarthritis vary greatly from person to person, and between different affected joints.

For example, a joint may be severely damaged without causing symptoms, or symptoms may be severe without affecting the movement of a joint.

Three key characteristics of osteoarthritis are:

·        mild inflammation of the tissues in and around the joints

·        damage to cartilage, the strong, smooth surface that lines the bones and allows joints to move easily and without friction

·        bony growths that develop around the edge of the joints

This can lead to pain, stiffness and difficulty doing certain activities.

Osteoarthritis mostly occurs in the knees, hips, spine and small joints of the hands and base of the big toe. However, almost any joint can be affected.

Read more information about the symptoms of osteoarthritis.

 

Who develops osteoarthritis?

Osteoarthritis usually develops in people over 50 years of age and is more common in women than in men. It is commonly thought that osteoarthritis is an inevitable part of getting older, but this is not quite true. While in very old people the changes of osteoarthritis are visible on X-rays, they don’t always have related pain or problems with joint function.

Younger people can also be affected by osteoarthritis, often as a result of an injury or another joint condition.

USA

http://www.arthritis.org/what-is-osteoarthritis.php

If you’ve been diagnosed with osteoarthritis (OA),  you’re not alone. This chronic disease affects some 27 million Americans. OA is characterized by the breakdown of cartilage – the part of a joint that cushions the ends of the bones and allows easy movement. As cartilage deteriorates, bones begin to rub against one another. This can cause stiffness and pain that make it difficult for you to use that joint. Osteoarthritis can also damage ligaments, menisci and muscles. Over time OA may create a need for joint replacements. 

There are two types of OA – primary and secondary. Primary osteoarthritis is generally associated with aging and the "wear and tear" of life. The older you are, the more likely you are to have some degree of primary osteoarthritis. However, not everyone gets it – not even the very old. That’s because OA is a disease, and not part of the normal aging process. Secondary osteoarthritis, in contrast, tends to develop relatively early in life, typically 10 or more years after a specific cause, such as an injury or obesity. 

Osteoarthritis occurs most often in knees, hips and hands.  Other joints, particularly the shoulders, can also be affected. OA rarely affects other joints, except as a result of injury or unusual physical stress.

The pain and stiffness of osteoarthritis can make it difficult to do daily activities including your job, play sports or even get around with ease. That’s why it’s important to learn all you can about this disease, how it affects you and how to live with it – a process called self management.

CANADA

http://www.arthritis.ca/page.aspx?pid=941

The word arthritis means inflammation of the joint ("arthr" meaning joint and "itis" meaning inflammation). Inflammation is a medical term describing pain, stiffness, redness and swelling.

There are more than 100 types of arthritis. Arthritis is among the leading causes of disability in Canada, affecting nearly 4.5 million people of every age, physical condition and ethnic background.

Osteoarthritis (OA) is the most prevalent kind of arthritis, affecting more than three million Canadians. It occurs when cartilage (the tough elastic material that covers and protects the ends of bones) begins to wear away. Cartilage is an essential part of the joint; not only does it act as a shock absorber, it also enables the joint to move smoothly. With OA, the cartilage erodes, eventually resulting in pain, stiffness, swelling and bone-on-bone movement in the affected joint.

OA will usually cause the affected joints to become stiff in the morning, but the stiffness usually lasts about 15-20 minutes. As the day progresses and joints are used, the pain and discomfort can get worse. Resting the joints tends to provide relief. The joint may become inflamed with pain, warmth and swelling. The pain and stiffness causes the joints to be used less often and the muscles surrounding the joint weaken.

As the cartilage wears down over time, the joints may slowly become bigger (boney) as the body tries to heal itself. With severe OA, the cartilage may wear away entirely and the bones may rub together ("bone-on-bone"). When this happens, the joints become more painful.

There is also a rare type of osteoarthritis called Inflammatory OA. This is a more severe, rapidly progressive, multiple joint OA that is associated with more stiffness in the morning and swelling in the joints with warmth and redness. This type of OA is more difficult to diagnose because it is often confused with rheumatoid arthritis (RA). A rheumatologist can help make the correct diagnosis and suggest treatment for Inflammatory OA.

An article courtesy of @barnaclebum from twitter

I recently came across this written by a very special lady and a friend of mine on Twitter and wanted to share it with you dear readers:

Every day I click onto Twitter-it's my only contact with the ‘real world’ that I have apart from my dear caring partner and my son when he comes home from Uni. Before I ‘found’ Twitter, the world outside had been lost to me for 5 years. My life had become a very lonely, isolated bleak existence. The last time I had spoken to another person was during a weeks stay in hospital, before that-i can't remember, it had been so long. I found myself asking ‘how did my life come to this’? I used to have a life-a career with great potential-a fantastic social life and lots of people I called my friends. Where had all this gone? How did my life fall away piece by piece like this to leave me alone and scared of what kind of future I might have? 

18 years ago I was diagnosed with having M.E. I also have very severe chronic asthma and have spent my life in and out of hospital. It had never stopped me from living a full active life as much as physically possible. I was never going to climb Everest but I could live with that disappointment! I was content to have a family, a career, and a great social life. In my spare time I worked in the art dept for our local AmDram club which my son belonged to. I loved doing this, it was something I was very proud to be part of. Once I became ill with M.E. all this started to change. I no longer had the energy to keep doing all these things and I got worse and worse until I had to give in and stop doing everything I loved-everything that made me-me. The only help and advice I got from my G.P. at that time was ‘I know nothing about M.E., I suggest you go to the library to look for some books for help and advice’. Wow! I thought-this is fun! So, I went and got 3 books-back then there wasn't much information on M.E. around-it was still being called ‘Yuppy Flu’ for Petes sake! Once I started reading, finally it didn't feel like I was going mad anymore. I was finally able to see that there was this strange illness, it was real after all, not all in my head and I had been unlucky to be affected by it. 

Pacing seemed to be the main message, learn your limitations and live within them. “How am I supposed to do that?” I asked myself. I had a child that needed caring for, a full time job and a home to run, let alone things to do, places to go, people to see! So I kept trying to keep it all going, “I'll rest at the weekend” I told myself, but of course I didn't, and slowly but surely it all drifted away! First to go were the extracurricular activities, no more going out, I loved live music and was part of my local scene for years but that had to stop, id be lucky to stay till the end of the night and then it dropped to being lucky if I could move after tea time. Friends who used to visit stopped coming around, eventually completely. The housework started to slip, it became a choice between help my son with homework and put him to bed or do the hoovering, I saw to my son. My partner had to do his share plus mine. We have always been partners working equally to keep our little ship afloat but eventually I found myself falling through the door from work and collapsing exhausted and in pain. In the end I was signed off sick. I just couldn't do it anymore. As soon as i thought things might be picking up I was knocked back down with yet another virus or chest infection, each time getting a little weaker and another piece of my life would slip by. 

I had now become so ill and weak I was only getting out of bed once or twice a week. I’d cram as much in to those day as i could before collapsing back into bed. I had lost my job, it wasn't fair to expect them to keep the vacancy open for me, they needed someone who could be relied upon to turn up every day and not have to be rushed home during the day from being so weak and exhausted I couldn't move, I wasn't reliable, I had become a liability, it was a waste of a good job and a good wage. At first I was so ill I really didn't care that I couldn't work. I decided it wouldn't be so bad being a housewife. I thought once I'd had enough time to recover properly I'd get well and all would be fine again. To cut a long story short that didn't happen, I tried everything I could find to aid my recovery, from acupuncture to yoga, antidepressants and counselling, exercise programs and even reflexology. You name it i tried it, I was desperate to find anything to help me recover but all i got was worse and worse, until in the end I had to admit defeat and except my life was never going to be what it once was. It took me a long time to come to terms with my life being as it is now, it has taken me five years of being totally bedridden apart from struggling to the loo and back to accept that this might be how my life is, maybe for the rest of my life. It's a bleak hard bitter pill to swallow but i had to make myself accept it or I would become lost forever in a black pit of howling depression. 

Now on top of all this we have the government cutting our benefits we so desperately need. My partner has had to stop work to become my full time carer but has since developed his own health issues. He has just had to fill in his second ESA50 in twelve months, no doubt his WCA appointment will arrive through the letter box any day now, it's hard to explain the fear of a brown envelope but anyone who has experience of this will know exactly what I mean! We have the added worry of him being fairly assessed or will it be the cycle of appeals again. My ESA50 could arrive anytime also. Last year I was put straight into the support group but live in fear of not being so lucky this time. ‘lucky’ to be in the support group! To be assessed as so sick and disabled I'm in the lowest % group of people on benefits who are so sick and disabled, I'm not expected to have to find work. But for how long will i be classed as too sick to work? Especially when people with terminal cancer are being treated as fit and expected to work for their benefits. Maybe next time I'll miss out a piece of important evidence on my form or just get one of those assessors who find everyone fit. How will I cope then? I've only been able to leave the house once voluntarily in the last 5 years, how will I be able to manage if I have to appeal any decisions? We will already be affected by the new bedroom tax now my son has gone to University plus we have to pay £300 council tax from our benefits. They haven't come for my DLA yet, i get the lowest care component so I will be in the Governments target group for re-testing as soon as PIP is introduced. Chances are, it will be taken away rather than increased (im just not that lucky) 

We get no help from Social Services or any other support groups. I get no support from my GP, he gave up trying to help a long time ago, it's just the two of us struggling to get by. Our savings are long gone. We don't have sky TV or a big flat screen TV or even full internet access. We no longer run a car, or buy new clothes or even have cupboards full of food. We barely scrape by yet the government want to take more away to incentivise us back in to work and not be left on the scrapheap as Mr Grayling likes to say. They could stick me with an electric cattle prod but it won't change the fact I am just too sick and weak to work. But I am on the scrap heap, I am unemployable, (if there were any jobs available) so now it seems in the eyes of the government not only am I unemployable but a scrounging scumbag, I have no job so I am a nothing, a nobody, without a job you are not a person, you have no identity, no worth, no value, just a leach on society, taking from that valuable pot even though I contributed to it for many years. It feels I'm one step away from being classed as a criminal for being so ill I cant work. IDS, Grayling, Miller, Cameron and Miliband all talk of getting people off benefits and supported in to work, giving people hope and a future. All great sentiments but where does that leave people like me? 

I'd love to have my life back, I'd love to be able to go to work again, but that is just not a realistic option for me. What about my future? Do I not deserve one? It may not be any worth to a politician but I have a son and a partner who value me, whose lives I am an important part of. Can you Mr Cameron, Mr Miliband understand how humiliating it is to have to beg for every penny I can just to make ends meet? To hear you repeatedly say I have no value, how am I expected to keep fighting when you want to make it even harder for me? For those who wish to criticise I challenge them to live a month in my shoes.

If anyone else would like to send me their story to post on my blog I'm more than happy to do so.

Gentle Hugs to us all.

xxxx

Leigh