Its been a while:

I havent blooged in a while.  My brain has been so fogged up.

However, I was posting in a private support group this morning and wanted to share with you my feelings.

For the last 3 days I have been an emotional wreck.  I struggle with Major Depressive Disorder (and have done for 18 yrs) and there are times when I can spend an entire day sobbing for no reason.

Well, Yesterday was one of those days. I was utterly exhausted, my eyes were burning and I swear I was dehydrated I had cried so much.  I was struggling with a few issues but I couldn't understand how they could be upsetting me so much.

The this morning the penny dropped.  I was talking to my Hubby on the phone about it and he said, "Why were you so upset?" 

DING........

I needed to cry. I needed to be weak, vulnerable, feel sorry for myself and let it all go.  WHY? 

We spend all our lives being STRONG!!  We are asked how we are and we say, "Fine thanks".  Not because we are fine, but because we are sick of hearing ourselves moan about why we are NOT fine.  We put on a brave face, smile through the pain, push ourselves to our limits and beyond, just so that those around us don't worry about how bad we really are.

Remember, having this awful condition changes your life. We grieve for the life we used to have and struggle to see the positive in the life we have yet to come.  Depression is a part of it. Pain is a part of it. Tears will fall.  We are not WEAK. we are STRONGER than we shoulder ever have to be and sometimes we simply need to let go.

Sending out Gentle Hugs to each and every one of you xxxx